‘Oh, just be yourself’.
You may have been given this advice by a well-meaning friend or colleague when you told them how nervous you were when preparing for a talk.
It may seem facile or naive, but I believe it’s actually your best strategy. The scariest one perhaps, but certainly the most effective, because speaking confidence is all about showing that you’re comfortable with who you are. If someone challenges or even verbally attacks you, their possible success relies completely on your response. Replying with a polite enquiry of your own while smiling shows that you see things differently. ‘No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ – Eleanor Roosevelt
By accepting yourself completely – your faults and your strengths – you empower yourself to display who you really are, and this has two gloriously useful benefits:
- You will be a lot more interesting. Without the filter of trying to ‘be professional’, you will be more open, playful and therefore much easier to watch and listen to.
- You will be much more relaxed (or less stressed). As well as making the speaking experience substantially more enjoyable, this feeds back into the first point, creating a marvellous loop: you relax>the audience responds positively>you relax etc.
Being yourself is the key to great speaking, and enjoyment of life in general. Here’s a practical step on your journey to achieving it:
Write down everything that you like about yourself and everything you don’t. Read them all out loud with the specific intention of accepting all of them. Tell yourself (verbally) that none of these things are necessarily ‘good’ or ‘bad’, they are just qualities. Own all of them and move on.
Good luck.