Self-doubt is a proper demon, isn’t it?
In my attempts to fight it, I’ve used breathing exercises, posture tweaks, power stances, tongue twisters, in fact the whole confident speaker all-you-can-eat buffet. And yes, those techniques did all help, but only became truly effective until I did the one thing I didn’t think was significant: actually like myself a bit more.
When you step up to speak, your audience doesn’t just hear your words; they see your relationship with yourself. If you’re quietly thinking, ‘They’re going to hate this,’ your delivery will whisper it too. The hands might shake, the voice might wobble, and your brain will kindly offer the thought, ‘you’re terrible at this’ right as you open your mouth. How very demonic.
To build confidence, you start by accepting yourself.
For me, that meant realising I didn’t have to sound like a super-slick presentation robot or channel Barack Obama. I just had to sound like me: a very slightly awkward, fast-talking, occasionally sarcastic human being who cares deeply about helping others communicate better. Once I stopped fighting my own personality, everything clicked.
Here’s the irony: the moment you stop trying to look confident and instead focus on being comfortable, you become confident. Confidence is what happens when belief and acceptance fist bump and say, ‘Right then, let’s give this a go.’
A few tips that helped:
🔸Accept your weirdness. If you gesture too much, own it. If your voice goes high when excited, that’s enthusiasm, not a flaw.
🔸Believe you belong. You wouldn’t be speaking if there wasn’t value in what you’re saying. Even if you doubt it, act as if it’s true until your brain catches up.
🔸Laugh at the situation. When your slide fails or you forget your next line, call it out and make a joke (speed is everything here). Nail this and you’ll remove the burden of doubt AND connect better with the audience because you’re now relatable.
🔸Prepare like a pro, perform like a friend. Know your material, then deliver it as though you’re chatting over coffee, not auditioning for the role of ‘Perfect Presenter’.
The secret isn’t a magic breathing pattern; it’s realising that you don’t have to earn the right to speak confidently, because you already have it!
So, the next time you’re about to give a talk, take a breath, smile and remind yourself that your job isn’t to impress, it’s to connect. Keep going and you’ll find your voice.